I woke up feeling lonely. The weight of my singleness felt heavier than usual. I felt like I was carrying twice my body weight and I felt my heart being squeezed like a man with a hand around his neck. I took a deep breath, but the feeling didn’t ease. Instead, the loneliness rolled in like waves at high tide. As a non-swimmer, I struggled to keep my head above the water.
In my formative years, I would never have imagined that at thirty-three (33) I would still be single. What? That was not the plan! I was to be married at twenty-five (25), have two children by thirty (30) and at this point, I should be in the ‘building our legacy’ stage with my husband. I felt the urge to yell ‘Cut!’, because someone doesn’t seem to be reading their lines properly; this is not how the script is supposed to go. I had to quickly remind myself that God is in control before I spiraled down that rabbit hole.
For He knows the plans
At times we get so caught up in our situations that we forget that we are not the author and finisher of our own destinies. God created us and He has a plan for each of us. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that these are good plans. Plans to prosper us and not harm us. Plans to give us hope and a future.
But the clock is ticking….
At thirty-three (33), you may believe that the future is now, even more so if you are older. Your biological clock is ticking, and you feel time is closing in on you. You worry because you don’t want to have your ‘best years’ behind you when you meet your spouse. You don’t want to be so old that what counts as fun is rubbing each other with Bengay to alleviate your aches and pains. This sometimes causes us to try to run ahead of God’s timing and take matters into our own hands.
Wait long or marry wrong?
I’ve often seen it said that it is best to wait long than marry wrong. I personally agree with this statement, although waiting is difficult. The purpose of a spouse is not just to alleviate our loneliness. Believe it or not, it is not about us. The partner we are destined to end up with should be a ‘help-meet’, to help us fulfill our God given purpose.
We are first introduced to the term help-meet in Genesis 2:18. In this verse God declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” The word help-meet, translated from the Hebrew word ezer kenegdo, means “a helper suited to, worthy of, or corresponding to him.” This help-meet may be the opposite of you and will complement you. You will both work together to fulfill God’s purpose for your lives.
Fulfilling God’s purpose is more important than us meeting our temporal needs. It is ok to desire a partner, but it shouldn’t be just any partner because we are ‘burning’ (1 Corinthians 7:9). It should be our God-ordained partner who will help us to accomplish God-ordained things.
What should you do while you wait?
Many of us are so fed up with waiting and we believe we are ready to be ‘off the market’. Yes? What about our inability to communicate well and resolve conflicts? What about our disobedience? If we can’t submit to God, how will we submit to a spouse? What about our selfishness? Our low self-esteem and our insecurities? What about our poor money management skills? What about our uncompromising nature? I could go on and on, but you get the picture. These ‘character flaws’ can ruin even a God ordained marriage. While you wait, this is the perfect time to undergo some personal development. We want the best, but in our current state are we our best? While we wait, let us work on improving ourselves.
A marriage should comprise two whole people coming together to enhance each other. While you wait, learn how to be happy by yourself. Learn how to make yourself smile and laugh. Learn to enjoy your own company. You shouldn’t be depending on another person to make you happy. That is too much pressure for anybody, especially another flawed human being. Travel, go out with your friends or learn a craft. There is so much that can be done to occupy your time while you wait. Most importantly, seek the Kingdom of God first, so that all the things you desire, including a spouse, can be added unto you (Matthew 6:33). Continue trusting God for your partner. Continue praying for him/her and pray to be the partner he/she needs. When the time is right, the LORD will make it happen (Isaiah 60:22).
Amen. I loved every moment of this. I too had a plan growing up that I wanted to be married by the age of 25, i will be 26 this year and I do not see that happening. You made mention of the fact that we need to work on our individual selves before considering marriage and that stood out so much to me as I realise that currently that is more important than a ring and for essential for a lasting marriage . Thank you for this article , was very insightful. God bless you. I love you Sis.
Thank you so much Shay. I am glad you were blessed by it. I love you too. 🙂
Really lovely, I enjoyed reading.
Thanks Sis.
Sis the message is so true but there will be no perfect marriage
Thanks Sis. I do agree that there is no perfect marriage but I also believe that when your marriage is based on purpose instead of self-fulfillment, it makes a difference.
Well done Rona! I must concur with you that God’s way is best. Continue to be a light that leads young people to Christ.
Thanks Tushane. Blessings.
This is a great read! I love the especially the part that spoke about ‘What should you do while you wait?’
Thank you soooooo much for sharing Sis. Many blessings!
You are welcome! Blessings to you Chevimus.
Thank you so much for allowing God to inspire you Sister Ronamae. I am truly encouraged , this was written from your soul. I felt like we were having a face to face conversation. May the lord bless you and continue to give you vision and insights to encourage others through writing.
God bless you Tajeah for your kind words. I will strive to continue being transparent so that I can help others.
I loved this Rona.. God-Inspired and timely.. Let’s continue to seek HIM first and trust HIS timing.
Blessings
Glad you enjoyed it. Blessing to you Cheryl.
Love this! ♥️
🙂
Thos is a very interesting and wonderful read. May God bless you as you continue to wait upon Him Rona.
Thank you Shana.
There are some valuable insights in this post. Thank you for being so open on many levels.
Indeed there are. Thank you Rev.
Well said sis my plan was for me to be married at 25 also and it never happen until I was 38years old so it is right around the corner for you
Everything in God’s timing. Blessings to you.
Great read Rona.👏👏👏
Thanks Neisha!
Great reminder and encouragement for singles.
Thanks Tanzena.
This blog post resonates with me big time…grow while you wait!
Indeed.
I looove this! It is the reality for many women, including myself. It brought back to memory that game with the square and inside it you would write the age at which you want to be married; around it you would put the names of the persons you would like to mary and some other things. I too always expected to be married by 25, but alas I am still single. To all my single friends, Rona said it well, work on YOU!
Thank you so much Rona. God bless your heart dear.
I remember that game. Thanks Princess. When the time is right, the Lord will make it happen.